Thursday, January 28, 2010 Bernies?

Ok, so i know i haven't been around in awhile.....

I think my life had just hit a wall of old man-ness. I worked, played video games, watched football, and hung out with my best mate Danilo (The Cat). I've tried to quit drinking for good about 4 times since October and i've had mild success. Not because i was/am an alcoholic but because i'm in my mid 20's and getting shitfaced at the local watering hole til 4 AM no longer appeals to me. Less drinking, naturally = Less stories.

I mention this because this past weekend i shook things up a bit. One of my best friend's brother had his bachelor party. We rented a nice house right on the side of a ski resort. Pool table (didn't use it), dart board (didn't use it), even beds (i didn't use one of those either). We did however Have a beer pong table (which i used to the max). Lets not get ahead of ourselves though.

So i woke up Saturday morning (the day of the event) and waited for my friends to arrive so we could embark on our journey up the mountain. We got up their and were impressed by our "Pad" for the evening but that wasn't going to stop us die hard skiers and riders from spending the day cruising down snowy hills. So we spent the whole day doing our thing except for a brief intermission where we ate hamburgers and had a couple (teddy) brewskis. It was here where the lovely bartender (a friend of mine from my younger days) informed me to come back at 4:00 because of 3 dollar beers and jagermeister shots. Did she say Jager? Yeah she did. I made the rest of the crew aware and it was now our mission to finish the day on the mountain and then get so fresh and so clean (clean) so we could head on down to the mountain bar. It wasn't any more than 15 minutes into the bar visit that i had devoured 2 beers and 3 shots of the cough syrup. Ah yes that drunk feeling hit where i was an unstoppable force of comedy and sharp looks. We happily waited (drank) until my cousin was off of work to give us a ride to another bar while most of the other guys went back to the place. Afterall, we were the youngest of the bunch and we have made a career out of being drunk and making moves. We arrived at the Brew Pub clue what time. ...but i was hungry. My first move however was to take a wiz. While in the restroom i apparently took a photo of the beer cans on the wall (which i saw on my phone the following morning) and then i walked back out to find a delicious brew waiting for me on the bar counter. Only this was not a delightful blonde ale as i so foolishly assumed, it was a cider. "Dude, I'm not drinking this shit" came out of my mouth and i proceed to grab a beer and a quesadilla for good measure. I was indeed hungry as i told you before. I even knew the chef from highschool and complemented him on his fine dish.

A couple hours apparently went by and my bartender friend from earlier came in and had her Boyfriend drive us to out destination. Wonderful how things work out huh? We walk into the establishment and after me and my polish friend destroy a few compatriots in beer pong we hear the word "strippers" in the background. So of course it was time to Pony in for money and get some naked chicks to the rented condo. An hour or so goes by and 2 sexy women walk into the living room and proceed to "get down with the get down". not only did we get some dancing but we got lap dances, belt whips, and even a small lesbian sex show which i so enjoyed. One man even enjoyed Hot wings while getting his lapdance (no name will be given, but cross that off your bucket list my friend)

...So i drink some more beer and probably some hard booze thrown in cause next thing I know I puke into the kitchen sink a little. By a little.....i mean alot. It was most certainly shower time at 3 AM. Sometime later I wake up in a little naked ball in the shower to my buddy laughing. All i could say was "Dude, wtf, i'm naked in the shower".

At least i was clean. I then found a comfy spot to sleep (the closet) . Needless to say i woke up a few hours later still drunk, with limited clothing on, and wretched morning breath.

Thanks for reading.

Your welcome.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Friday, October 2, 2009

I wasn't allowed to embed it but just go watch....

..and be taken back to a better time.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Daily Dagger - Tuesday september 15th 2009

I'm a Bills Fan. I'm less than thrilled. Watch the clip below and feel my dag variety of pain.

Clearly i have nothing else to blog about.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Here's your breakfast son.... With a side of Acid.

So as kids we all watched some pretty cool cartoons right?

Ghost Busters
G.I. Joe
Disney Movies of course and....
Bobby's World (yeah! Bobby's World was FRESH!)

As a kid my mother worked in a video store so i had access to watch any cartoons my little heart desired. Naturally, being a twisted little man, i selected some (should be) classics such as these below (trust me. take 5 minutes and watch some bits of these):

1. Droopy

I enjoyed Droopy so much he made me forget about the fact that i didn't have a real dog. Droopy the dog is my inspiration for feeling like a completely depressed loser some days. THANKS DROOPY! and THANKS MOM!

2. The Fantasic Adventures of Unico.

Yes i watched this film in its entirety constantly. I beg you to please watch it before allowing your kids to be totally frightened by the final quarter of this film. One of the greatest films ever made.

3. Super Ted

Spotty man? Cosmic Dust? Magic Cloud? A frikkin bear that rips off his soft cuddly fur to reveal a super hero costume with.....MORE SOFT CUDDLY FUR UNDERNEATH IT!! What?

Thanks for wasting some time with me. Cartoon nowadays just don't get it. We don't want to learn when we watch cartoons as kids!!! We want to be influenced to drink and do drugs.